Irrational Thinking Styles – Shoulds

Irrational Thinking Styles: Shoulds

Shoulds are a list of rigid rules about how you and others should think, feel and act. Naturally these rules are beyond dispute and any deviation from them is bad. Consequently if you deviate from them then you are bad, and if others deviate from them you are left feeling frustrated, irritated or angry.

The more common Shoulds are:

I should be the perfect parent/lover/friend/spouse/student, etc.

I should be always generous/considerate/selfless.

I should never let anything upset me.

I should always solve every problem by myself.

I should never feel hurt or unhappy.

I should always plan the future correctly.

I should never feel angry/jealous/greedy, etc.

I should love my children all the time.

I should never make mistakes.

I should always be consistent.

I should never be tired/sick.

I should always be totally self-reliant.

In other words, you should be a combination of Aristotle, Joan of Arc, Einstein, Jesus Christ, and Mother Teresa.

Try instead

“I would like to/ prefer to/ It would be good if…….. but if I can’t I know I’m doing my best.”

Black and White Thinking

Catastrophizing

Emotional Thinking

The Fairness Fallacy

Mind Reading

Overgeneralizing

Personalizing

Shoulds

Tunnel Vision