Self Defeating Belief Number 3

People should always do the right thing. People who don’t are bad and should be blamed or punished.

Often ‘bad’ or wrong acts tend to be more the result of ignorance or thoughtlessness rather than ‘badness.’ Having a desire for people to behave in a certain way in itself is not irrational, for example asking that people treat you with respect and dignity. The irrationality begins when you demand that people behave in a certain way and when they don’t they will be punished in some form. We don’t have the authority to control other people’s behaviors, so believing the above statement leads to a lot of disappointment and hurt when people don’t behave how we want them to. It also leads to a lot of anger and hostility if we belief that this person deserves to be punished. This belief doesn’t leave any room for growth as humans and for learning from mistakes. It also doesn’t allow us to forgive ourselves (let alone other people) when a mistake occurs.

A healthier idea

It is sad that most of us do some bad things from time to time and some people do a lot of bad things. Making myself very upset won’t change that and demanding that people act a certain way won’t help me achieve my goals. I will separate the person from the behavior and deal with how the behavior affects me.