Self Defeating Belief Number 1

I must be loved or approved of by significant people in my life in order to be a worthwhile person

This type of thinking is bound to end up with you feeling bad. Although reading through that statement you may think to yourself “I don’t need people’s approval to think I’m OK” it might be worth looking at your behaviour to see if this belief has crept into you thinking process somewhere along the way. Examples would be saying yes when you really want to say no because “what would they think of me?”, agreeing with a statement you are actually opposed to, or apologizing when you have done nothing wrong.

Often as children, we get praised for doing something well and punished if we do something wrong, so it doesn’t take long to develop a way of thinking based on needing approval or praise from others. It is natural to desire approval, and this helps to lead a fulfilling life, however when that approval becomes a necessity we start to lose ourselves in other’s views and opinions. We start to tell ourselves that in order to feel contented we need approval from others.

Wayne Dwyer in his book “Your Erroneous Zones” talks about the 50-50 rules. 50% of the time, 50% of the people will disagree with you. Looking at these figures that only leaves 25% of the time that people will actually agree with your thoughts, behaviors and actions. So if you find you have this belief you are setting yourself up to fail for 75% of your life. So go out there and deliberately look for people that you know will disagree with you as a way of increasing your tolerance level to to disapproval.

A healthier idea

I want to be loved or liked and approved by some of the people in my life, but it is not essential to my survival I might be disappointed when it doesn’t happen, but I can cope with those feelings, and I can take constructive steps to make and keep better relationships