Defeating Self Defeating Beliefs

Self Defeating Beliefs

“People are not disturbed by events in the world, but rather by the view that they take of them.” - Epicitus

Pain and suffering is inevitable – being miserable is an option

Our view or interpretaion of an event impacts greatly on not only our behaviour in relation to that event, but also our emotional reaction.

Two people may be involved in the very same event, but have a very different emotional reaction based on how they perceived the event. For example research in the forensic field looking at the accuracy of eyewitness testimony shows how two individuals who witness the exact same crime can have two very different perceptions of what happened. Our perceptions can differ due to a variety of external factors such as our location and our physical viewpoint. But this perception is also colored by our own thoughts, values, morals and our past life experiences. Our life view is a sum total of all our experiences, with some experiences (such as the death of a loved one) having more impact on our life than others. From a very early age we learn to incorporate these experiences into our cognitive structure to make sense of the world and how we relate to the world.

These experiences lead us to develop a variety of beliefs and thinking processes. Some of these beliefs are widespread, such as the sun setting in the east and rising in the west. This is an example of a belief that is congruent to our reality. However sometimes our beliefs are not congruent with reality and here is where problems can develop. Albert Ellis, a psychotherapist and founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, described a number of irrational thoughts that he had observed in a large number of his patients. He determined that often his patients problems were influenced by their particular way of thinking and their expectations and interpretations.

Further research has shown that these self defeating beliefs are in existence in most of the population. Most people allow between three to five of these core beliefs to influence and impact upon their emotions and behaviors. Many people will refuse to admit that they may believe these statements as reading through them they are quite obviously irrational and unhealthy. However our behavior is an essential indicator of our thinking processes and we often behave in accordance to these beliefs, without being aware they are in existence.

We can come to hold beliefs that are self defeating. Explore the list of 10 Self Defeating Beliefs and try out the suggestions to change them.

• Self Defeating Belief 1
I must be loved or approved of by significant people in my life in order to be a worthwhile person.

• Self Defeating Belief 2
To feel happy and be worthwhile I must achieve, succeed at what ever I do, and make no mistakes.

• Self Defeating Belief 3
People should always do the right thing. People who don’t are bad and should be blamed or punished.

• Self Defeating Belief 4
If things don’t turn out the way I want them to be it’s a total disaster and completely intolerable.

• Self Defeating Belief 5
My unhappiness is caused by things outside my control and things that happened to me in the past – so there’s little I can do to feel any better.

• Self Defeating Belief 6
If something is going to be dangerous or frightening, then I should be terribly concerned about it and worry about it a great deal to stop it from happening.

• Self Defeating Belief 7
It is easier to avoid problems and unpleasantness in my life than to face it.

• Self Defeating Belief 8
I need someone stronger than than myself to rely on.

• Self Defeating Belief 9
Every problem should have an ideal solution – and it is unbearable when one can’t be.

• Self Defeating Belief 10
I should become upset when other people have problems and feel unhappy when they’re sad.