Acting As If

Acting As If

Life is a series of moments. To Live each one is to succeed. - Cortia Kent

The technique has its origins in Hans Vaihinger’s 1911 paper Philosophie des Als Ob (’Philosophy of As If’). He believed we can never really know the underlying reality of the world. As a result we construct systems of thought and then assume that these match reality: we behave “as if” the world matches our models.

The technique produces a result by presupposing that the result has been or will be realized.

The intent is to make it easier to explore possibilities and ideas internally, which would usually not be available to us due our limiting beliefs about ourselves and others. The specific effect you are aiming for is to allow your limiting beliefs to be temporarily suspended by reducing or avoiding internal resistances. This then allows you to explore alternate possibilities, without having to threaten or challenge your existing conceptual world-view. The limiting belief can be retained for later if it is a useful one.

For example instead of saying “I don’t know how to be confident in situations where there are people I’ve never met before”, you act as if you have done it before. You are actually in the stage of conscious incompetence, but behave as though you are are at the stage of conscious or even unconscious competence.

This technique helps to acquire competence more rapidly, efficiently and effectively than if you just acknowledge your incompetence.

The success of this technique has to do with focusing and mobilizing your personal resources. ‘Acting’ means that you overcome inertia and passivity and become a doer. ‘As if’ implies empowering beliefs that the result is a possibility, if not a reality.

We all have a vision or a mental model of ourselves performing the relevant skill successfully. That model may be informed by images and memories of real-life models – of others we’ve seen being confident among strangers. Even if the learning is by trial and error, or by “trial and succeed” there is always a reference point.

‘As if’ behavior is reinforced internally, by positive affirmations (”Meeting new people is easy for me”) and visualization.

Use the acting ‘as if’ technique to develop the skills and roles you require.
You can use it to be the kind of person you want to be. It can be an effective approach to interpersonal communications. By acting as if someone else has a positive intention, you can ‘encourage’ them to express that intention by ’showing’ them a preferred possibility for their behavior. In this sense, acting ‘as if’ is a form of personal power.

Examples
I can’t tell my partner how I feel
But if you could, what would you want them to know?
Typically you will move away from “I can’t”, towards either discussing the heart of the problem (rather than just a blanket denial of your ability to solve it), or – more commonly – you will start to identify what you would wish to say and begin to consider ways that it could be said. Either move would be as a positive step towards learning to solve your own problem.

I don’t know anyone who could memorize this poem
But if they could, how do you think they might do it?
Well, I suppose they would…..
Again the intent of an “as-if” frame is to move away from the flat denial of your capability and knowledge, and engage in a creative approach. You can then consider ways to achieve how to reach your goal or consider the wider nature of the problem. This is often called a generative approach, as it encourages you to brainstorm and generate new ideas without referencing prior assumptions of inability.

Possible alternative NLP procedures
Alternative fallbacks if you continue to feel unable to identify new ideas:

• The presupposition “What stops you?” [presuposes something specific is stopping you which can be identified and considered],
• Looking for role models “Who else might know?”,
• Testing whether there is a generalized belief of impossibility “Could there be anyone who could do it?”,
• Looking for secondary problems (things that mean it cannot safely be considered) “So what would happen if you did?”,
• Search for counter-example “Has there ever been a time you could…?”,
• Search for potential internal conflict “Is there a part of you that would have a problem doing that?”
• Search for additional positive motivational leverage “What else would you get if you could?”
• Open up the question to broader solutions generated from other perceptual positions such as third parties “If your wife was here, what might she say you weren’t seeing?”
• Reorienting yourself to view the issue more from a future perspective, such as the double question “How would it feel if you could find a way?” followed by “And how might you get that?”
• Directly ask yourself to overlook, for a time, your denial, and consider making a small step instead “And if you could find a way to get there anyway, what might you have to do first?”

Accentuate the Positive

Accentuate the Positive
 
All situations are a combination of positive and negative elements. We are likely to perceive positive things such as our successes and strengths as wanted and negative things, such as weaknesses as unwanted. What we perceive can be a matter of choice. We can choose between noticing the positive or the negative as well as between less and more positive responses – between ‘I’m fine” and “I’m fantastic”.
 
These choices are important as they give us more control over situations.
 
The first tool of accentuation is focus. You can make something more significant, more likely to occur, simply by attending to it. Encouragement and reinforcement can amplify the effects.
 
Complete the process by turning it into a truth statement eg ” Accentuate the positive and your mind will work to make it a reality”
 
Accentuating the positive means we are more likely reduce Negative Thinking.

Defeating Self Defeating Beliefs

Self Defeating Beliefs

“People are not disturbed by events in the world, but rather by the view that they take of them.” - Epicitus

Pain and suffering is inevitable – being miserable is an option

Our view or interpretaion of an event impacts greatly on not only our behaviour in relation to that event, but also our emotional reaction.

Two people may be involved in the very same event, but have a very different emotional reaction based on how they perceived the event. For example research in the forensic field looking at the accuracy of eyewitness testimony shows how two individuals who witness the exact same crime can have two very different perceptions of what happened. Our perceptions can differ due to a variety of external factors such as our location and our physical viewpoint. But this perception is also colored by our own thoughts, values, morals and our past life experiences. Our life view is a sum total of all our experiences, with some experiences (such as the death of a loved one) having more impact on our life than others. From a very early age we learn to incorporate these experiences into our cognitive structure to make sense of the world and how we relate to the world.

These experiences lead us to develop a variety of beliefs and thinking processes. Some of these beliefs are widespread, such as the sun setting in the east and rising in the west. This is an example of a belief that is congruent to our reality. However sometimes our beliefs are not congruent with reality and here is where problems can develop. Albert Ellis, a psychotherapist and founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, described a number of irrational thoughts that he had observed in a large number of his patients. He determined that often his patients problems were influenced by their particular way of thinking and their expectations and interpretations.

Further research has shown that these self defeating beliefs are in existence in most of the population. Most people allow between three to five of these core beliefs to influence and impact upon their emotions and behaviors. Many people will refuse to admit that they may believe these statements as reading through them they are quite obviously irrational and unhealthy. However our behavior is an essential indicator of our thinking processes and we often behave in accordance to these beliefs, without being aware they are in existence.

We can come to hold beliefs that are self defeating. Explore the list of 10 Self Defeating Beliefs and try out the suggestions to change them.

• Self Defeating Belief 1
I must be loved or approved of by significant people in my life in order to be a worthwhile person.

• Self Defeating Belief 2
To feel happy and be worthwhile I must achieve, succeed at what ever I do, and make no mistakes.

• Self Defeating Belief 3
People should always do the right thing. People who don’t are bad and should be blamed or punished.

• Self Defeating Belief 4
If things don’t turn out the way I want them to be it’s a total disaster and completely intolerable.

• Self Defeating Belief 5
My unhappiness is caused by things outside my control and things that happened to me in the past – so there’s little I can do to feel any better.

• Self Defeating Belief 6
If something is going to be dangerous or frightening, then I should be terribly concerned about it and worry about it a great deal to stop it from happening.

• Self Defeating Belief 7
It is easier to avoid problems and unpleasantness in my life than to face it.

• Self Defeating Belief 8
I need someone stronger than than myself to rely on.

• Self Defeating Belief 9
Every problem should have an ideal solution – and it is unbearable when one can’t be.

• Self Defeating Belief 10
I should become upset when other people have problems and feel unhappy when they’re sad.

Self Defeating Belief Number 10

I should become upset when other people have problems and feel unhappy when they’re sad.

It is natural to be concerned for a friend or family member when they are experiences some difficulties and this shows signs of being a compassionate person. However when you become over-involved in other people’s problems not only are you using up your energy and time to deal with a situation that is someone else’s responsibility, but you are also taking away their opportunity to grow and learn. If we are forever solving other people’s problems, that is not leaving much time for us to achieve our goals and look at improving our own life. When we take on board other people’s problems we also take on board their emotional reaction to those problems, which uses up our own energy and resources. A good question to ask yourself if find yourself having a strong emotional reaction is “WHo’s problem is this?’ if you answer is that is is someone else problem, then it is that persons responsibility to solve it. You can provide support in a compassionate and caring way and offer advice is asked, but leave the problem with them, that way you also leave the emotions with them.

A healthier idea

It is sad to see other people in trouble, but I don’t help them by making myself miserable. I can cope with feeling sad, and sometimes I can take constructive steps to help them.

Self Defeating Belief Number 9

Every problem should have an ideal solution – and it is unbearable when one can’t be found.

It is natural to desire a positive outcome to problems in life. Problems occur when we demand a positive outcome and dismiss potentially satisfactory solutions in search of the perfect solution. When we demand that all problems are solved to perfection we once again set ourselves up for failure and distress. There is no evidence to suggest that there is a perfect outcome to any problem, and by searching for this we miss some very viable options. Often in life the options we are faced with are far from perfect, but that are satisfactory. If we dismiss them then the problem can actually become bigger and we expend more time and energy looking for a solution that just doesn’t exist.

A Healthier Idea

It is good to have a perfect solution to a problem, although that is rarely possible. There are often a variety of solutions and I am capable of using problem solving to choose the most appropriate solution.

Self Defeating Belief Number 8

I need someone stronger than stronger than myself to rely on.

It is actually very healthy to be strong enough to ask for help when you need it. We alone are not able to achieve and accomplish everything is life that is necessary for daily living, that’s why we all have different careers and specialty areas. For example when our washing machine breaks down we call a plumber because that is their specialty area. Problems develop from this way of thinking when we are asking for help from others on a regular occasion and we develop a dependence upon them. Over reliance on others can lead to a lot of problems in our life including avoidance of situations and responsibility, lack of confidence in ourselves and our own abilities and an inability to make our own decisions. Some warning signs that you may be defendant on others are not doing things you want to do for fear of other peoples approval, constantly asking other peoples advice, or asking people’s permission to say or do something.

A healthier idea

It is good to get support from others when I want it, but the only person I really need to rely on is myself. Over reliance leads to dependence and I can and will trust my own judgment

Self Defeating Belief Number 7

It is easier to avoid problems and unpleasantness in my life than to face it.

On the surface it is sometimes easier to avoid a problem than to face it. By using avoidance as a coping strategy we can avoid dealing with issues that create feelings of uncomfort and distress. However by using avoidance as a short term coping strategy we set ourselves up for long term problems, that are often bigger and more difficult to solve that the original problem. By avoiding a problem we also are avoiding responsibility and the opportunity to grow and develop by facing new challenges. Avoidance also means that for the period of time that you avoid the problem, you are left with feelings of anxiety, fear and distress because you know deep down it’s not going to go away, rather than facing the problem (and the discomfort) head on, dealing with it and then getting on with the rest of your life.

A healthier idea

Facing difficult situations will make me feel bad at the time, but I can cope with that. Putting off problems doesn’t make them any easier, it just gives me longer to worry about them.

Self Defeating Belief Number 6

If something is going to be dangerous or frightening, then I should be terribly concerned about it and worry about it a great deal to stop it from happening.

This belief is irrational and it only serves to create anxiety in your life. How many times have you gone over and over a particular concern or future event in your mind and found yourself feeling very anxious, only to find that when that event did happen everything went smoothly? Believing this statement only serves to create a lot of unless worry in your life and wastes a lot of energy. Worry does not solves problems, it only creates more, and it certainly doesn’t stop the event you are worried about from actually happening. If you do find that you are worried about something it is much healthier to ask yourself what the probability of that event occurring is and then use problem solving techniques to create a solution. After doing that you can then free you mind of the worry and you already have a solution.

A healthier idea

Worrying about something that might go wrong won’t stop it from happening, it just makes me unhappy now! I can take constructive steps to prepare for possible problems, and that is as much as anyone can do. So I won’t dwell on the future now.

Self defeating Belief Number 5

My unhappiness is caused by things outside my control and things that happened to me in the past – so there’s little I can do to feel any better.

Happiness is something that is within our control not within the control of something outside of us. CBT is based upon the concepts that what we think influences our emotions, therefore our happiness is created by our own thoughts and perceptions. Events and circumstances do not cause your reactions. They result from what you tell yourself about the things that happen. Put simply, thoughts cause feelings and behaviors. Or, more precisely, events and circumstances serve to trigger thoughts, which then create reactions. Past events do influence the way in which we view the world now. But we also have the power to influence the way we see the world now. We can make a conscious effort to challenge any irrational thoughts that lead to our unhappiness. We can’t change what has happened in the past, but we can change how we interpret that event and how we let it impact on our life now and in the future.

A healthier idea

My problem(s) may be influenced by factors outside my control and events in my past, but my thoughts and actions also influence my problem(s) and they are under my control.

Self Defeating Belief Number 4

If things don’t turn out the way I want them to be it’s a total disaster and completely intolerable.

It is very healthy to have plans and to want things to work out right, however problems can arise depending on our reactions when things don’t turn out to plan. Life is forever throwing us a curve ball, it’s these types of challenges that allow us to grow and develop as a human. We simply can not predict or change the future no matter how well we make plans. It’s frustrating when life doesn’t go to plan, but it is rational to accept these changes and make the most of what has happened.

There are certain things that are out of our control that it is easier to accept and change plans rather than stick rigidly to our old plans which leads to us feeling very upset and disappointed. A very simple example is planning for weeks a beach picnic with friends, however the morning of the picnic you awake to find that it is pouring down rain outside. We can’t control the weather no matter what we do. Some one who fully believes the above statement would be extremely disappointed, angry and upset after the weather. However someone with a more flexible belief make say to themselves “OK can’t control the weather- yeah I’m disappointed but maybe we can all go a restaurant instead” This second person thinks in a flexible and adaptive way to make the most of the situation and changes plans in accordance with Life, whereas the first person is experiencing a lot of negative emotions.

A healthier idea

It is disappointing when things aren’t how I would like them to be, but I can cope with that. Usually I take constructive steps to make things more as would like them to be, but if I can’t, It doesn’t benefit me to exaggerate my disappointment.

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