Irrational Thinking Styles – Tunnel Vision
September 18, 2009 by admin
Filed under Mind Management
Irrational Thinking Styles: Tunnel Vision
Focusing on only one part of a situation and ignoring everything else. People all have their own individual tunnels. For example, anxious people are often supersensitive to anything that suggests danger, and ignore all the safety signals (which far outnumber the danger signals). People with anger problems tend to notice anything that suggests unfairness or criticism. The trouble here is that pulling isolated things out of context and dwelling on them tends to make them seem much larger and much more important than they really are.
Example
“At the interview they commented on my lack of experience in one area. I’ll never get a job now.”
Instead try
” At the interview they commented on my lack of experience in one area, I did have experience in other areas and I think I did OK overall and although I may not get that job I can still keep applying for others.”
Irrational Thinking Styles – Shoulds
September 18, 2009 by admin
Filed under Mind Management
Irrational Thinking Styles: Shoulds
Shoulds are a list of rigid rules about how you and others should think, feel and act. Naturally these rules are beyond dispute and any deviation from them is bad. Consequently if you deviate from them then you are bad, and if others deviate from them you are left feeling frustrated, irritated or angry.
The more common Shoulds are:
I should be the perfect parent/lover/friend/spouse/student, etc.
I should be always generous/considerate/selfless.
I should never let anything upset me.
I should always solve every problem by myself.
I should never feel hurt or unhappy.
I should always plan the future correctly.
I should never feel angry/jealous/greedy, etc.
I should love my children all the time.
I should never make mistakes.
I should always be consistent.
I should never be tired/sick.
I should always be totally self-reliant.
In other words, you should be a combination of Aristotle, Joan of Arc, Einstein, Jesus Christ, and Mother Teresa.
Try instead
“I would like to/ prefer to/ It would be good if…….. but if I can’t I know I’m doing my best.”
Irrational Thinking Styles – Overgeneralizing
September 18, 2009 by admin
Filed under Mind Management
Irrational Thinking Styles: Overgeneralizing
Drawing generalizations from a single instance. For example, if you blow one job interview because of nerves, an overgeneralized thought would be “I’ll never succeed in job interviews” (when a more rational thought would be: “I didn’t succeed in this one”). Key words here are – everybody/nobody, always/never, everyone.
Example
“I blew it again! This always happens, I’m hopeless”
Instead try
“Ok so I made a mistake. I don’t always make mistakes; there are lots of times when I make good decisions. I’m only human and humans make mistakes. What can I learn from this situation for next time?
Irrational Thinking Styles – Personalizing
September 18, 2009 by admin
Filed under Mind Management
Irrational Thinking Styles: Personalizing
The tendency to relate everything that happens around you as directly related to you in some way. For example, if your partner says they’re tired, then it means that they are tired of you; or if your children are unhappy, then it’s because you are a failure as a parent. Again, this usually only happens in a negative way; we seldom think that if someone’s happy then we are responsible for their happiness. But the minute they are unhappy, then it’s somehow our fault.
Example
“She didn’t talk to me, I must have said or done something wrong. I wonder what I did to upset her?”
Instead try
“She didn’t talk to me. I wonder if perhaps she just didn’t see me or had something else on her mind. It probably hasn’t even got anything to do with me.”
Irrational Thinking Styles – Mind Reading
September 18, 2009 by admin
Filed under Mind Management
Irrational Thinking Styles: Mind Reading
When you “just know” what someone else is thinking (usually negative things about you – we seldom mind-read positive things about ourselves). Mind readers often imagine that everyone else thinks and feels the way they do. For example, if rejection hurts you, you assume that it hurts everyone else too, and therefore you tend to be unassertive so as not to hurt the feelings of others.
Example
I can just tell that everyone here thinks that I’m a total loser. Look at them all focusing upon every mistake I’m making”
Instead try
” I can not tell what people are thinking. The only way I can find out is by asking them.”
Irrational Thinking Styles – Fairness Fallacy
September 18, 2009 by admin
Filed under Mind Management
Irrational Thinking Styles: The Fairness Fallacy
Thinking based on the belief that because we are fair and just, then the world should also be that way. So if you do the right thing and yet people don’t behave as you want them to, or things don’t turn out as you want them to, then your thinking becomes preoccupied with “how unfair” it all is. The truth is that the world is not always a fair and just place, and dwelling on the fact that it is not will not solve anything, nor will it make you feel better.
Example
“I was the most qualified, but the boss’s nephew will probably get the job. I might as well give up now. It’s so unfair”
Instead try
“I was the most qualified for the job, but it’s looks like the boss’s nephew will get the position. I guess it in some situations it is who you know, not what you know. I’ll have to accept the reality that life is unfair at times and do what I can about it or keep looking for work elsewhere.”
Irrational Thinking Styles – Emotional Thinking
September 18, 2009 by admin
Filed under Mind Management
Irrational Thinking Styles: Emotional Thinking
Believing that because you feel a certain way, then things must automatically be that way. For example, if you feel ugly then it’s because you are ugly; or if you feel that you can’t cope, then it’s because you can’t really cope, or aren’t coping. The mistake here is that emotions have no validity by themselves. They are neither right nor wrong, neither good nor bad. They just are, and are usually the consequences of our own thinking (which we have seen do not reflect accurately the way that things really are).
Example
” I feel like a total failure today. I’m such a mess and I can’t do anything right”
Instead try
” I feel like a total failure today, although that doesn’t mean that I am. I will try to focus on the good things I’ve done today instead of the bad.”
Irrational Thinking Styles – Catastrophizing
September 18, 2009 by admin
Filed under Mind Management
Irrational Thinking Styles: Catastrophizing
Making mountains out of molehills. For example, if someone is late, you immediately start worrying about car accidents, death and disability, being alone, etc. Your worries often begin with the words: “What if…” followed by some catastrophe. This list of imagined catastrophes is usually endless because there is no limit to what a fertile imagination can produce.
Example
” I haven’t heard from my daughter/friend/partner today. I hope she/he is Ok. What if she/he had an car accident or fell down the stairs at work or was caught in a fire or…..”
Instead try
” I haven’t heard from my daughter/friend/partner today. She/he is probably just busy. I might give her/him a call to see.”
16 Personality Factors – Liveliness
September 18, 2009 by admin
Filed under Personality, Self Awareness
16 Personality Factors
Liveliness (Serious vs. Lively)
Serious: Serious, restrained, prudent, taciturn, introspective, silent
- Seldom joke around.
- Don’t like crowded events.
- Am the last to laugh at a joke.
- Dislike loud music.
Lively: Lively, animated, spontaneous, enthusiastic, happy go lucky, cheerful, expressive, impulsive
- Am the life of the party.
- Love large parties.
- Joke around a lot.
- Enjoy being part of a loud crowd.
- Amuse my friends.
- Act wild and crazy.
Use the descriptors above to rate how serious or lively you are most of the time.
Liveliness
Serious___________________________________________Lively
16 Personality Factors – Rules Conscious
September 18, 2009 by admin
Filed under Personality, Self Awareness
16 Personality Factors
Rule-Consciousness (Expedient vs. Rule-Conscious)
Expedient: Expedient, nonconforming, disregards rules, self indulgent (Low Super Ego Strength)
- Resist authority.
- Break rules.
- Use swear words.
- Oppose authority.
- Know how to get around the rules.
Rule Conscious: Rule-conscious, dutiful, conscientious, conforming, moralistic, staid, rule bound (High Super Ego Strength)
- Believe laws should be strictly enforced.
- Try to follow the rules.
- Believe in one true religion.
- Respect authority.
- Like to stand during the national anthem.
Using the descriptors above rate yourself as to where you are on the line expedient to rule conscious most of the time.
Rule Consiousness
Expedient___________________________________________Rule Conscious
